Step 3: Empower

The Process

Now that you can give yourself compassion in a gentle way by calming yourself when you are afraid or comforting yourself when you are sad, you are ready to balance and expand your self-compassion by including the fierce and more active qualities.

Gentle self compassion without the fierce qualities can quickly turn into idiot compassion, when you let others walk all over you for a fear of not  being seen as lovable.

Idiot compassion has nothing to do with genuine self compassion but everything with submission out of a fear of being rejected or punished. Power usually evokes notions of unjust domination over others yet it can also refer to our sovereign power to protect our dignity and to create and shape our life. What or who is stopping you from executing this essential power and from whom do you need to reclaim it?

Provided that we are safe from threat and not acutely affected by a trauma-related disorder, we usually discover disempowering dynamics operating within our psyche which we can heal and transform in this next step. Only when we move from powerlessness into healthy anger can we ignite our inner fire, clarity, courage and wisdom which we need to confidently lead us through life.

Fierce Self-Compassion: Empowering Yourself in the Face of Harm & Injustice


In 2019 I launched Fierce Self-Compassion: Empowering Yourself in the Face of Harm & Injustice – available as a 20-part audio course, 8-week live online programme or book. This original programme digs deep by targeting the root of the problem: our inner blocks to healthy anger that naturally arise in the face of hurt, harm and injustice we encounter. Cut off from the power and wisdom contained within healthy anger, we remain weakened, disempowered, in fear and vulnerable to further boundary violations and trapped in a need for approval. In this programme I use compassion-based parts work – Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) – and specifically-designed exercises to help you transform powerlessness into healthy anger, clear seeing and wise action.

In that process we will bring gentle compassion to the parts that had to block the anger in the past to help them unburden their lack of trust in your own perception, fears, shame, need for approval and unnecessary guilt.  You will be guided to develop inner and outer resources to feel strengthened on the inside and on the outside to take wise and empowered action in situations where you are being treated unfairly. Solidarity with others affected can provide you with needed allies and sustain your unwavering resolve to unapologetically care for your well-being in the long term.

Are your boundaries being disrespected?


Debunk Myths around Anger

Ready to Empower?